*Photo: Bamidele Johnson*
This morning, a former colleague’s response to a post of mine reminded me, as though I needed reminding, that Pentecostalism and I were a match made in a location far from heaven. My ex-colleague, Olusegun Olanrewaju, simply recalled what I said after what probably was my first direct interaction with Pastor EA Adeboye.
It must have been in January 1999. I remember the occasion as some lunch or dinner at which journalists who covered Lekki ’98, perhaps RCCG’s first mega-crusade, were hosted. I remember attending the event with Goodluck Ilajufi Ebelo and, I think, Yinka Ijabiyi, all of TEMPO. I was flirting with Pentecostalism at the time and attended the RCCG parish at Pen Cinema-infrequently, of course. Pentecostalism and I tried to make the relationship work, but it was not destined to be more than a fling.
Ebelo, a retired Pentecostal these days, was more committed, even if he had the constitution of an Area Boy. Well, he became an Area Pastor before returning to Babylon. Apologies for the digression. Before the event ended, journalists were asked to file out to have a handshake with Pastor Adeboye. That was well in order.
The church also had gifts of a leather bag (it contained no money o, ndi keske) and RCCG baseball cap for each attendee. Where I flipped was when as each person shook hands with Adeboye and got handed his bag, the man wore the cap first before putting it on the prospective recipient’s head.
I think many of the attendees were delighted and probably thought the action was akin to the touch of the hem of Jesus’ garment by the woman with the issue of blood. I was in a funk, probably because I’m a natural shithead and certainly because I felt the man thought of himself as the Holy Ghost, a feeling I’ve not been able to shake off and which the man’s numerous utterances have reinforced. I seethed, complaining to Ebelo, who may still remember the incident.
Until this morning, I didn’t know I told Olanrewaju that I felt Adeboye was bigging himself up very needlessly. He had prayed for us and I didn’t see the reason to wear those caps first except he thought his prayer lacked the potency of what came from his lips. I didn’t stop attending RCCG because of that. I attended, in staccato fashion, till 2006, when I got pissed by the fact that he was being viewed by many as a divinity.
I was promiscuous in my attendance, flitting from parish to parish. At one of the parishes, the pastor instructed us to file out to touch the pulpit, which he described as the holiest place in the church. I thought he was talking bilge. People obeyed. I did not. It was similar to the cap-on-head episode at the dinner or lunch. The clown thought where he stood to preach was holier. I couldn’t cope with that. I never saw that at the Anglican or Baptist church, with which I was familiar.
At another parish, the young pastor announced that it was the birthday of Pastor Adeboye’s wife and people had to celebrate her by bringing out cash. I couldn’t understand it. It made no sense to me. In between, I saw personal wishes, desires, feelings, counsel et al sold as prophecies. I found that off-putting, as it trims the edges of honesty. I had seen fairly well at the Redemption Camp, where I went regularly in the mid to late 90s-out of peer influence.
I told myself that the church was drifting, but I don’t remember if, at the time, it had become tithe-gobbling monster it currently is. I’m not surprised it has, though. More importantly, I am not surprised it has become a religious North Korea, where what they do is spend every waking hour nodding in agreement to what Adeboye says-right, wrong and absurd.
With millions of complaisant followers at home and abroad, it is no surprise that the man treats the Bible as a subsidiary document and members of his church (and those of many others) are happy with it.
They did not think his rancid claim that non-tithers will not go to heaven was wrong until he came with a non-apology a few days ago. Unless you’re up his fundament (millions are), it should be clear that he was not apologetic. There was a watcha-gonna-do air about him.
He claimed he was apologising for saying non-tithers “may not” go to heaven. That was not what he said, which was: “Anybody not paying his tithe is not going to heaven. Full stop”. That screams finality and certainty. The word “may” indicates probability or possibility. Watch the video, in which you will also hear him saying Adam and Eve were evicted from the Garden of Eden because the ate tithes. The Bible does not say that. David Ibieyomie, the Port Harcourt-based charlatan, probably got that off him. The non-apology was flipped by some as saying he has ordered a stop to tithing.
Well, he has made a clarification. His instruction, as the Holy Spirit concerned (pardon that), is that 10 per cent is barest minimum of tithe and people should aim for 40 per cent. The Bible doesn’t say that about tithing. He has also said Jesus didn’t and the apostles didn’t receive tithes because they were not parish pastors. The Bible does not say that. What it says is that those who received tithe, when its giving was lawful and in farm produce as well as livestock, were priests from a bloodline. Jesus was of the tribe of Judah. I don’t know to what tribes His apostles belonged but I don’t think the Bible has them down as Levites, the tribe of priests.
Soon and very soon, Nigerian pastors will give us Holy Bible 2026 (as amended). I know those who’d been in the Constitution Drafting Committee that will bring this about .