As Our Baby Boys Mature Into Big Daddies: Men’s Obligations in Marriage – By Abdulwarees Solanke

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*Photo: Abdulwarees Solanke*

A few days ago, I dropped an article publishec on some online and traditional outlets. Titled Letter to Our Children in Marriage, it weighed on women obligations. Some of my devotees challenged me to do a follow’  up on expectations men too must meet to make the article complete.

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But about five years ago, I had actually done what the ideal must or have to consider him responsible man or husband. When I did that piece, I was deliberately playing on words with letter C as my anchor of indices of responsible husbands.  Here we go:

Many a woman wants her man to be able to afford her all comfort and conveniences of life. She wants her man to be loaded in cash and be able to provide her a car to ride shopping and to occasions to take her to family, friends, and office. The average woman wants good clothes, and this is what a man should be able to afford her. This is what many a woman wants her man to afford or provide her.

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Generally, the average woman wants her man to give her coolness and calmness of heart and at home as one in al-Jannah.

Towards her, any woman indeed wants her man to be   compassionate. But equally important is that she expects in her man total fidelity in p9 marriage and must regard marriage as an inviolable contract or compact for life,, So, she wants him to have concern, consideration, consciousness and conscience in all matters relating to her existence.

Similarly, every woman wants her man to possess candour or candidness. She wants certainty from him, not one chance or oja okunkun or one who jeopardises her future and career.

She expects him to have correctness of life choices for her as she also expects him to always exercise caution and demonstrate curiosity in whatever environment they find themselves so that they don’t experience any loss in life.

If however, the family suffers one, every woman wants a man on whose shoulder she can lean one, one who is comforting  and is    able to give her consolation, not one who gives up in despair or can be easily consumed in frustration.

The man of dignity or complete man before a woman is one who cooperates with her at home and in the public, not as perpetual complainant, not overly demanding, not unnecessarily overbearing or suspiciously intrusive. In short, every woman wants in her man to have competence in diverse areas of life as a leader or manager who is able to rise up to a situation or challenge.

Many a woman indeed wants her man to give compliments to her looks and what she cooks at home as she would appreciate it very much if her man complements her efforts to make the home as well as support her in every righteous cause or noble initiative both at home and outside the home.

But she also wants her man to be fiercely and intelligently competitiveoutside because she does not want anyone to underrate her man and by extension look down on her as having a weakling or a colourless man, a gbewudani as husband. She wants her man to be a conqueror in all aspects of life that will give her pride in making the right choice in her man, not a disgrace of a husband.

So, in times of challenges and confusion, every woman does not want her man to be a mumu or zombie; she does not want her man to be seemingly careless or clueless. Rather, she wants her man to be creative in proffering solutions or inspiring resolution. If these are matters that are in the open, there is of cause the one of the other rooms.

Everywoman wants her man to satisfy her in intercourse. This area is not commonly exposed to the root of crisis in many homes that breeds infidelity.

When a woman finds many of these expectations or values of authority or superiority in her man, she accepts him as her commander, olowo ori Mi orbaale wa.

Affectionately and respectfully, she defers to him as Abu Abdullah or Daddy Timmy. Madam adores him and speaks of him gleefully or proudly anywhere as her sweetheart.

To me, all these vital indices or values are leadership expectations of women, which all men must strive to meet.  They are what define a man as a mature and strong, ready to take up responsibility or challenge, to lead at home in fending for this family and conquer the world in career, management, and government.

*Abdulwarees Solanke is of the
Voice of Nigeria

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