By Winifred Ereyi
*Photo: Winifred Ereyi*
In September, I embarked on a journey to Pakistan that would prove to be far more transformative than I had anticipated. Visiting Pakistan to attend the weddings of my QC83 sisters’ children was not just an opportunity to celebrate love; it was an eye-opening journey into the heart of a culture rich in tradition, family, and connection.
From participating in wedding dances to savoring the diverse flavors of Pakistani cuisine, I was immersed in a cultural tapestry that has forever changed the way I see the impact of culture in shaping our experience of the world. What began as a visit for joyous family reunions and celebrations quickly evolved into an enlightening experience that challenged my preconceived notions and deepened my understanding of marriage, culture, and familial relationships in ways I had never imagined.
Pakistani weddings are nothing short of spectacular. Over the course of several days, I participated in a whirlwind of pre-wedding festivities, family gatherings, and the grand wedding itself. One of the most memorable aspects of the experience was being involved in the wedding dances—an integral part of the Mehndi, a pre-wedding event that revolves around dance, music, and the joyful union of two families. The dances, deeply rooted in tradition, not only foster a sense of unity but also serve as a beautiful expression of celebration, vitality, and connection.
Being part of the dances alongside my QC83 sisters made me feel like I was embracing a new cultural rhythm, one that bonded everyone in a joyful expression of love. In this joyful celebration, it did not matter that we forgot the steps to our carefully choreographed and rehearsed dance.
The sensory experience of the wedding went beyond dance; the cuisine was a revelation in itself. Pakistani dishes, with their intricate layers of spices, textures, and flavors, are as diverse as the country’s cultural landscape. From aromatic biryanis and rich curries to freshly baked naan and succulent kebabs, every meal was a culinary adventure.
Each dish told a story of regional identity, blending the influences of the Indian subcontinent with Persian and Middle Eastern flavors. Sharing meals with my QC83 sisters and their families around communal tables reinforced the importance of family, unity, and togetherness.
Immersing myself in Pakistani culture extended beyond the wedding celebrations. I was introduced to the country’s complex societal traditions, particularly those surrounding marriage. One of the most striking aspects of Pakistani marriage culture is the prevalence of arranged marriages.
In Pakistan, marriage is often seen as a contract between two families rather than just two individuals. Parents typically play a central role in finding a suitable match for their children, relying on social connections, caste, religion, and other cultural factors to ensure compatibility. While the concept of arranged marriage especially amongst cousins is a taboo in my Edo culture, my exposure to the deeply rooted traditions surrounding it allowed me to see it from a different perspective.
Cousin marriages are very common in Pakistan, with many unions taking place within extended families. Though this practice is unusual in many cultures, in Pakistan, it is seen as a way to strengthen family ties and preserve family wealth.
What struck me most was the degree of acceptance even amongst the Gen Z’s and the resultant harmony that such arrangements fostered within the families I met. The emphasis on family loyalty, mutual respect, and long-term stability rather than love between individuals was clear even to me an observer.
My hostesses and I talked at length about the role of women in Pakistan. I also discussed this with some of the guests at the wedding. I was shocked to hear that only 18% of married women in Pakistan work outside the home, reflecting deeply entrenched social norms around gender roles.
In a country where traditional values often dictate a woman’s role as primarily within the domestic sphere, the concept of women balancing work and family life is still evolving. This aspect of Pakistani society opened my eyes to the nuances of gender roles in different cultures and the complexities faced by women navigating these expectations.
While these norms may seem restrictive, many women I encountered expressed a sense of fulfillment in their roles, rooted in cultural expectations of family duty and honor. In this regard, my hostesses, who are C-level executives in global organizations and government parastatals and a handful of the female guests were outliers.
As someone who comes from a culture where love marriages are the norm, women are encouraged to pursue careers, and individual choice often takes precedence over family obligations, being in Pakistan was a profound learning experience. My exposure to arranged marriages, cousin marriages, and traditional gender roles led me to question many of the assumptions I had taken for granted about marriage, family, and personal fulfillment.
One of the most transformative realizations was that there is no single “right” way to love, live, or marry. The expressions of love and family commitment I witnessed in Pakistan were just as meaningful and valid as those in other parts of the world.
Whether it was the joy of dancing with relatives during the Nika and Mehndi or the shared pride in maintaining cultural traditions, the Pakistani families I encountered embodied a deep sense of unity, purpose, and love—qualities that transcend cultural boundaries.
These experiences have reinforced the importance of cultural context. Arranged marriages and traditional gender roles are deeply embedded in Pakistani society and serve as pillars of social stability. Observing these traditions firsthand gave me a deeper appreciation for the ways in which culture shapes our values, expectations, and relationships.
These experience challenged me to reflect on my own views about love, marriage, and gender roles. They offered a new lens through which to view the universal themes of love, family, and belonging. They made me curious to explore my Edo culture more deeply . This culture largely remains foreign to me having been brought up in the former capital city of Nigeria, Lagos which is a medley mix of different Nigeria cultures with Yoruba culture being the dominant one.
Ultimately, my trip to Pakistan has been transformative. It has reminded me of the power of love—both in its individual and collective forms. Whether through a marriage arranged by families or a spontaneous love match, love is a force that binds us all, across cultures, continents, and traditions.
In this shared human experience, I found a deeper understanding and connection to both the world and myself free to embrace the aspects of culture that align with my internal belief system. It is in this freedom lies authentic power.
